new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Girls should come with a carfax report
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
