not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
