I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
