Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
