Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Can you bring me the toilet please
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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