If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
