Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
