I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
