If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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