It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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