This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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