I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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