if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
