I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
