I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
