better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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