she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Less talking, more tequila
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
