dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
40s are totally the cure
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
