I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
