Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
