i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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