This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
