he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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