This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
