there's paper in my vomit.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
