At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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