Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize