Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize