There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
