My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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