guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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