Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
