My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
