im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
