I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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