god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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