turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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