Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You smell like stripper and shame
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
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