Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
