Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
