It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
