If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
