If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Randomize
