I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i dont even know how to be here
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
