Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
