So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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