There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
