Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
