I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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