i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
