Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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