when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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