Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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