My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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