I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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