sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
