I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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