he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
