do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize