the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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