you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Are we still banned from the library?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize