Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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