dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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