She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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