he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
