It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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