Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
As shirtless as possible
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
