You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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